They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
