How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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