I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
