Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
