Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
