I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
