this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
