i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
