i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
