I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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