Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
My pussy is not your playground.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
