white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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