first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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