My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
