??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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