party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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