found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
