I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
