i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
