yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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