its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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