This dress was meant to end up on your floor
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
