Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
