Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
