you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
