did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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