I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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