You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
