Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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