Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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