i permit you to call me
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
