I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
