Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
