i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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