A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
