omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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