Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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