my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
