I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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