Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
