im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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