My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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