I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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