i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
