she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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