i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
