somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
