Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
