Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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