Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
